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Election Night Party Stand-Up Script

Have you heard the news that President Obama is coming to town to visit end of next week? Say, who was here when he spoke at the base of the victory column 8 years ago? You know, Democrats Abroad registered over 300 people there. Well, not everyone was able to see him last time though, so this time he’s gonna talk from the top of the column. And when you look up, what you’ll see are the two wings of the angel – not the ears of Obama!

No, seriously, there’s a lady in town he want to meet and talk about the last years of cooperation. No, sorry Gwendolyn, he’s not planning on visiting you, or Democrats Abroad Berlin, again. He has a different, special friend and this is their story:

Merkel's Phone

There was this lady who had her troubles;
When on the phone. What she fears the most
Is that all her gossip, all her tales,
And all her juicy secrets are exposed.

Yes, she was be wire-tapped by a spy.
As proof, I got a transcript here today.
Cannot tell you who it's from; I’d have to die.
But then again, it's Not a Secret Anyway.

This lady calls a friend who's in high places,
To complain and make perfectly clear
Of what increased importance her case is.
You'll be surprised about the dialogue you'll hear.

(Get out phones: right ear Obama / left ear Merkel
“Ring-Ring”, pick up red Obama phone)

"Oval office; this call may be monitored for quality control;
Obama speaking, what can I do for you?"
"Merkel here, I am glad you take my call.
I'm mad and I have got a bone to pick with you!

Your people have been tapping mein own Handy!
I thought we're friends; That's not a thing to do!"
"Sorry Angela, it sounds like you are angry.
But what's a handy? That I do not know."

"Ach, for you Amerikaner it's a cell phone.
Sorry mein English sometimes is a little slow;
But my calls are for my staff and husband alone."
"Ms Chancellor, sure you want to keep your secrets(,) I know."

"What? Did I really hear you just admit,
That you have spied on me? What sensation!"
"No of course, you can make calls in secret.
When I say, "I know," that means I show compassion.

No need to keep your recipes so confidential;
Your husband does complain about your Streusel cake;
He doesn't think you put enough streusel on at all.
And add more dill to the potato salad that you make."

"You have been listening after all!
Mein Kartoffelsalatrezept ist streng geheim!
So, I am not amused, my dear Obama;
You have been spying on me all the time!"

"Do please forgive; these sins are past though.
I've given order so that will no longer happen.
But what I'd really like to know;
Does Germany do any wire-tapping?"

"How dare you ask? Nothing we do illegal;
For we are not so nosey. How can you think so?
Our Germany takes pride in its principles.
And even if we could, .. I .. know ..."