I recently learned that science has proven that modern man definitely did not descend from the Neanderthalers. Although I wouldn't be so sure about that doorman or bouncer out front.
Yes, it seems we are genetically not related. Even though Neanderthalers and our forefathers, the early Homo Sapiens, lived side by side on this continent for many centuries way back in the Stone Age. So how come the Neanderthalers are gone and only we are left? They say it's because our brains were a few grams heavier than theirs. But I think there was more to it then that. Let me explain.
See, these two races lived side by side; like some in one valley and the others in the next valley. And here's what happened in the Neander-valley. This Neander-guy is hunched down fiddling with his new invention: the BC3000 flintlock, fire lighter. And this Neander-gal wanders up to him and he starts boasting about all the neat features this fire lighter has got: It's got 32k sparks per minute, dual manifold, and runs on mammoth dung.
Well this Neander-gal had something else in mind. Something so rare it sometime comes only once a month. She's wearing this bare-skin skirt, see. Don't worry, you PETA activists; it wasn't a skirt made of the skin of a bear, but rather a skirt to cover bare skin, OK?
Anyway, so she lifts her skirt a bit to reveal some bare skin - peek-a-boo - , but Neander-guy here doesn't notice. He is so focused in his little handy-dandy fire lighter and somehow even manages to set his deep-set eyebrows aflame with its double manifold or whatever (bat eyebrows).
So, in a huff Neander-gal puts two and two together and comes up with three. You gotta remember, these folks weren't too bright. Finally she struts off to grab her best girlfriend and go shopping for a new bare-skin skirt or whatever gals do together when they don't get their guy.
Meanwhile, over the mountain, in the next valley, the Homo sapiens are playing football. You gotta know by the way, that cannibalism was not uncommon in those days. And the Homo Sapiens just had some Neanderthalers over for dinner the night before in a good neighborly sort of way. Little did the Neanderthalers know that they would be the dinner.
So these guys are playing around with some of the dinner's leftovers; tossing the old foot back and forth. Their mom had told them a thousand times not to play with their dinner, but don't forget these guys are still kind of primitive.
Actually the game used to be called eyeball a couple of generations earlier. But it didn't go too well. "Hey Bam-bam, go for a 30-yard pass!" Weee - SPLAT! (throw and catch ball) Yech! Guess a foot-ball lasts a bit longer.
So, at today's game Homo-Sapiens-gal - it's also the best time of the month for her - walks up to the team, hitches up her bare-skin skirt and calls for a pass. The Homo-Sapiens-guys suddenly forget that they have a bigger brain - they have something else in mind: Yeah, multiplying their race!
And the lesson is therefore: if you want to survive, you gotta be able to multiply and not just add.So, split your jeans and spread your genes!