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Toast to the Lassies

MacWoulph and his Betty

Written for Burns Night 2012 at the height of
Bundespräsident Christian Wulff's scandal

This is a tale of a maid called Betty.
She was ambitious and also quite pretty.
Her chieftain was a strong man and also handsome:
McWoulph, the ruler of the lower Saxons.
He was married, but that relationship may have been a bore.
So Betty said, “Take me instead, I’ll take you places you’ve never been before.”
So he did.

The newlyweds then found a place they could rent,
But soon she said, “This kitchen is so inconvenient!”
McWoulph was no fool; He knew what she means:
He should go out and buy a house of her dreams.
So he did.

But where to get the funds to buy and fix a house?
They were almost as poor as a wee little mouse.
So McWoulph wanted to go to a bank that money lends.
But Betty said, “Let’s not pay high rates. Go ask our rich friends.”
So he did.

They had a nice castle now, but Betty wanted to see far away nations.
So she begged McWoulph to take her on exotic vacations.
He explained, such expenses weren’t in the budget of the fiefdom.
“Let’s stay with your noble friends.” she said. “I’m sure it can be done.”
So they did.

Returning home, they where seated in economy.
Betty complained, “I won’t sit there; that’s not good enough for me.”
“Use some mileage points so that we can grade up.”
He’d have to ask some friends for help, otherwise she’d throw up.
So he did.

Then a new king was needed to lead the nation.
This chance, Betty could not miss. She sprang into action.
“Tell the ol’ chancellor that you should be the choice;
There’s no fairer lad in the land.” She said with pride in her voice.
So he did.

With the crown on his head, McWoulph was to be the model of integrity.
But what about old business contacts? The lower Saxons led an enquiry.
That private loan may not have been so private after all.
“Don’t say a thing!” Betty advised “That’s none of their business at all.”
So he did not.

The press found out and wanted to print the story.
They called McWoulph and he got rather angry.
Then Betty said, “Tell them you won’t take this anymore.”
“They had better censure or else this means war!”
So he did.

This of course made the situation only worse.
It seemed the reign of McWoulph was under a curse.
Betty suggested, “Tell your subjects you’re sorry, my dear.”
“It will all be over and forgotten anyway in a year.”
So he did.

The rabble was still aroused. It wanted his head.
Secretly, the chancellor was seeking someone new to lead the land.
Then Betty declared, “Tell that ol’ chancellor that that should be;
Someone who knows how to wield power and that would be me!”
So he … raised his glass, ...
Yes, let us all raise our glasses: Here’s to the Lassies! To the Lassies!

Reading this poem at the Burns Night, 28 January 2012
Conny standing at my right ready for her Lassie's Response