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Toast to the Lassies

“Merkel's Phone”

There's a device that women hold most dear;
That every woman just must own.
She holds it close – to her ear.
I speak of course of the telephone.

Phoning by the minute, once was quite a cost;
High bills could drain the money of a lady's mate.
Many a marriage would have broken and be lost,
If phone companies had not introduced the flat rate.

But still today, the ladies have their troubles
When on the phone. What they fear the most
Is that all their gossip, all their tales
And all their juicy secrets are exposed.

Yes, they may be wire-tapped by a spy.
For example, got a transcript here today.
Cannot tell you who it's from; I would die.
But then again, it's Not a Secret Anyway.

This lady calls a friend who's in high places,
To complain and make perfectly clear
Of what increased importance her case is.
You'll be surprised about the dialoge you'll hear.

(Get out phones: right ear = Obama / left ear = Merkel)

“Oval office; this call may be monitored for quality control;
Obama speaking, what can I do for you?”
“Merkel here, I am glad you take my call.
I'm mad and I have got a bone to pick with you!

Your people have been tapping mein own Handy!
I thought we're friends; That's not a thing to do!”
“Sorry Angela, it sounds like you are angry.
But what's a handy? That I do not know.”

“Ach, for you Amerikaner it's a cell phone.
Sorry mein English sometimes is a little slow;
But my calls are for my staff and husband alone.”
“Ms. Chancellor, sure you want to keep your secrets(,) I know.”

“What? Did I really hear you just admit,
That you have spied on me? What sensation!”
“No of course, you can make calls in secret.
When I say, “I know,” that means I have compassion.

No need to keep your recipes so confidential;
Your husband does complain about your streusel cake;
He doesn't think you put enough streusel on at all.
And add more dill to the potato salad that you make.”

“You have been listening after all!
Mein Kartoffelsalatrezept ist streng geheim!
So, I am not amused, my dear Obama;
You have been spying on me all the time!”

“Do please forgive; these sins are past though.
I've given order so that will no longer happen.
But what I'd really like to know;
Does Germany do any wire-tapping?”

“How dare you ask? Nothing we do illegal;
For we are not so nosey. How can you think so?
Our Germany takes pride in its principles.
And even if we could,__I__know ...”

So, let us all raise our glasses (everyone raises their glasses): Here’s to the Lassies! To the Lassies...who know!

Presenting the “Toast to the Lassies”. Click here for YouTube video available video