The woman I’ll talk about tonight is the First Lady of America.
She the wife of Trump; she is called Melania.
I know some people do not like the Donald.
He has caused trouble, I am told.
However, it’s not always his fault at all.
Sometimes it’s just because of Melania.
Other times it goes the other way;
It’s Melania who saves the day.
When they first met, all Donald could do was stare.
Then she complained: “I have nothing to wear!”
That he did not believe, so she held a magazine under his nose.
“See here,” she said “this picture of me on a bed not wearing any clothes.”
They lived on 5th Avenue in the Trump Tower
Where Melania whiled away the hours.
Then one day she made an announcement:
“This kitchen is so inconvenient!
Here everything is gold.
It makes me feel so old.
I’d like to have a house that’s painted white,
with columns and a garden; that’d be just right.”
“Okay,” said Trump “I’ll take care of that.”
So he registered as a Presidential candidate.
But Donald Trump was getting old.
So Melania told him something bold:
“Take these blue pills: makes you with Viagra great again.”
So from that we have: “Make America great again.”
In the election polls, they were behind Hillary Clinton.
But Melania knew what could be done.
“Back in Slovenia, during East Block times,
to get things done, you’d ask the Russians.
Come and talk to my old connections.
And see how we can win elections.”
The first thing Trump wanted to do then was to build that Mexican Wall,
But Melania did not like that at all.
She protested, “That would be totally wrong!
Where would we get cheap labour to mow the lawn?”
You remember Trump’s long red tie.
It always seemed to catch your eye.
Melania said, “I do know you like to boast,
but must it point to the part of you that loves me most?”
Melania wanted to take a cruise on the Mediterranean.
“We’ll fly,” said Trump “and also visit a Saudi Arabian.”
But alas, one of Melania’s suitcases went missing; the one with the veils.
The sheiks didn’t mind her open hair. They were excited and made some good deals.
In Rome, surprisingly, Melania got her suitcase back.
The veil she wore visiting the Pope was black.
Trump did not have to make a deal with the Vatican.
He’d already sold his soul to someone called Satan.
In Texas, there was a terrible hurricane.
So the Trumps travelled there by plane.
What Melania wore was in all the news;
Dark sunglasses and high stilettos.
“I just bought these brand new shoes,
And don’t want them to punch holes
through the bottom of rubber boot soles.”
Last month, they were in the First Couple’s bed.
Cuddling up close to Donald, Melania said,
“I wonder how big Kim, the ‘Little Rocket Man’s’ button is.”
His answer, the whole world heard: “I too have a Nuclear Button, but it is a much bigger & more powerful one than his.”
Lately Trump said something that made Melania rather angry.
Something about the lack of toilets in poor countries.
“I’m an immigrant too!” she exclaimed, “Is my country also a piece of crap?
And now you prefer a Norwegian! Will that be your next wife or what?”
So Donald Trump is concerned about his legacy.
But Melania tells him, “Don’t worry Dear, you’ll see.
There will be another President Trump: your son!
Our boy, whom you gave the name Barron.”
However, there’s a secret leaked to me from a very high place.
About who will run in the next Presidential race.
It’ll be a big surprise with a lot of drama:
Melania Trump teaming up with Michelle Obama!
So, everyone! Here’s to the Lassies
– And especially to all the First Ladies
– To the Lassies!
Presenting the “Toast to the Lassies”.
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